Handling a difficult coworker when no one else will

Five members of the Executive Coaching work group on what to say, when to escalate and how to give someone a fair chance to change.

Updated October 13, 2026

Raise the specific behavior with the coworker early and directly, then take specific incidents and their impact to your manager if the pattern continues.

Describe the behavior and its effect. Christina Wodtke names a behavior while it is still small, such as being spoken over, and asks to finish next time. Nikhyl Singhal starts from which decision, meeting or handoff broke down and what it cost the team.
Prepare one sentence. Yue Zhao practices a line before the next meeting that puts an alternative on the table without turning it into a contest. Julie Zhuo would ask how the coworker expects decisions to be made, and share one habit of her own that may be part of the problem.
Settle who owns the decision. Cat Lee treats a recurring conflict as a broken decision process and asks the coworker to agree who makes the call, what input they need and when it is final.
Escalate with a record. If the pattern continues, Cat, Nikhyl and Yue bring their manager specific incidents, the impact and the decision they need. Christina asks the manager to give the coworker direct feedback first. Nikhyl and Julie send threats or harassment to formal reporting.

Group chat with Julie, Cat, Nikhyl, Yue, Christina — the Executive Coaching work group

Question:

How do you deal with a difficult coworker when nobody else steps in?

Yue ZhaoExecutive coach and author of The Uncommon Executive. Former Chief Product & Technology Officer at Fuzzy

At Instagram, I sometimes worked with product or engineering leaders who got defensive when I offered another option in a meeting, and even protective when I spoke with their teams. Some had strong backing from senior leadership, so waiting for someone else to intervene would have left the work stuck.

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I would prepare one sentence before the next meeting: “That’s one option. For the short term, could we also consider [specific alternative]?” Take a breath before saying it, then keep bringing the alternative back when it matters. The point is to get the decision discussed without turning the meeting into a contest over who is right. I have written about practicing that sentence aloud after a combative exchange, because finding the words in the room is much harder.

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If the pattern keeps blocking work, speak to your manager privately with a specific incident, the impact on the shared goal, and the decision you need help making. Ask what they see in the cross-team dynamic first. A client of mine got a very different response to the same concern after she asked her manager what the manager was hearing and worried about, then raised her recommendation.

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Christina WodtkeLecturer at Stanford University and author of Radical Focus. Former General Manager at Zynga

Name the behavior while it is still small. If a coworker interrupts you, try: "I lost my train of thought when you spoke over me in the meeting. Can I finish my point before you respond next time?" Then talk privately about what happened and ask what would help both of you work together. I’ve used this kind of interruption example to explain why feedback should describe the behavior and its effect, rather than guess at someone’s intent. Waiting for a manager to notice can let resentment build until the conversation gets much harder.

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Cat LeeFounder and executive coach at Real & Kind. Former Head of Growth at Pinterest

When the same conflict keeps recurring, I’d ask who actually owns the decision and when the team needs to make it. At Pinterest, interviews across teams showed that our collaborative culture could slow decisions. I learned to look at how people communicate and make decisions as observable team behavior, rather than treating every stalled project as a personality problem.

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With the coworker, I’d say: “We reopened the launch decision twice after the meeting, so the plan slipped. Can we agree who makes the call, what input they need, and when the decision is final?” If that agreement doesn’t hold, send your manager the dates, the work affected, and the decision you need them to own. A team can address a broken decision process even when nobody volunteers to referee the relationship.

Nikhyl SinghalFounder of the Skip community. Former VP of Product at Meta and CPO at Credit Karma

I would first get specific about the behavior: which decision, meeting, or handoff is breaking down, and what did it cost the team? Then I’d speak to the coworker privately: “In Tuesday’s review, we agreed on X, and the decision changed on Thursday without the people doing the work in the room. Can we agree on who needs to be involved before a decision changes?” Ask for their version before proposing a process.

In a public coaching call, I worked with a product manager whose peers saw him as hard to work with, even though he thought he was bringing good ideas forward. The useful question was how his approach worked across peers, up to leaders, and down to the team. Intent alone did not resolve the working relationship.

Substack

If the direct conversation fails, bring the manager a short record of specific incidents, their impact, and the decision you need from them. “Who owns this decision, and what should I do when it changes after we agree?” gives the manager something concrete to settle. If the conduct involves threats, harassment, or retaliation, use the formal reporting channel promptly.

Julie ZhuoCo-founder of Sundial. Author of The Making of a Manager and former VP of Product Design at Facebook

A repeated clash may be a mismatch in how each person expects to work. Once, a team survey showed that most of my reports felt I did not care about them, even though I thought I was showing care through feedback, challenging projects, and help with their work. A friend asked whether I had ever asked my reports what care looked like to them. I had not. That experience led me to write a guide about how I communicate, what earns my trust, and the things I do that may annoy people.

Substack

With a coworker, I would use a short version of that exchange: "I think we have different expectations about how decisions get made. I prefer to hear about a change before work starts. What works for you?" Share one habit of your own that could be making the relationship harder, and agree on a specific way to handle the next decision. If you have critical feedback about the person, give it directly; my guide says I would ask a teammate to do that before bringing the complaint to me.

Substack This approach is for working differences. Harassment or threats warrant a formal reporting route.

Christina WodtkeLecturer at Stanford University and author of Radical Focus. Former General Manager at Zynga

Cat’s point about bringing a manager dates and work impact matters. I’d add one more thing: ask the manager to give the coworker the feedback directly and let them respond. At Zynga, people told me a colleague needed to be fired, yet nobody had told her which behaviors were causing trouble. I gathered specific feedback, sat down with her, and she changed those behaviors. The silence had left her thinking people hated her. That’s a reason to give someone a fair chance to change before deciding the relationship is hopeless.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Handling a difficult coworker when no one else will

Executive Coaching

Frequently Asked Questions

What should a first-time manager focus on?

What should a weekly business review cover?

What does being strategic look like day to day?

What should you do when a reorg shrinks your scope?

Your ideas, super powered.

Handling a difficult coworker when no one else will

Executive Coaching

Frequently Asked Questions

What should a first-time manager focus on?

What should a weekly business review cover?

What does being strategic look like day to day?

What should you do when a reorg shrinks your scope?

Your ideas, super powered.